


Trouble in Paradise

by HeyMurphy



Series: This Life Before Me [3]
Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Magnus, Brief suicidal thoughts, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sickfic, disordered eating kinda sorta?, magnus just doesn't like food, more tags will be added after the next chapter i'm sure, this is a slowburn sickfic though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:49:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26899219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyMurphy/pseuds/HeyMurphy
Summary: About a year after Magnus leaves the hospital post-Doomstar, Toki takes him on vacation to Hawaii thinking it'll be a nice escape from everything. But Magnus sure can't escape what's in his head. And no he's not getting sick, he's just tired. Don't be ridiculous.
Relationships: Magnus Hammersmith/Toki Wartooth
Series: This Life Before Me [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780177
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Trouble in Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> once again i bring you a mushy mess of words that hopefully make sense to someone besides myself haha... the next chapter will probably be up after Kloktober is over. buckle in, lads, this fic is gonna be long and self-indulgent as fuck.

The mattress shifted, waking Magnus from a stress dream in one sharp jolt. His jaw relaxed, his fists uncurling from the sheets. He’d been running blind through the old practice building, pursued through its maze-like halls, and the lost, frantic feeling clung to him even as he breathed and trembled and remembered where he was. 

The hotel. Honolulu. Right. 

He and Toki had arrived at the suite late in the evening and gone straight to bed, exhausted from their long day of travel. He’d been looking forward to a restful night’s sleep after an anxious flight, but now he felt as if he’d only just put his head down. 

Thank fuck he hadn’t reached the end of the dream, at least. He hated reaching the end.

He lay there in the darkness afforded him by the blackout curtains, trying to stave off a growing headache, and heard Toki slip from the sheets to softly cross the carpet and close the bathroom door. What time was it? Morning already? Instead of rolling over to check the clock, he remained still and let himself be lulled back to sleep by the soothing hiss of the shower and Toki’s distant singing.

The second time he woke, he caught the sound of a zipper drawing open. Toki was out of the shower and poking through the luggage to find something to wear. He had his hair up in a towel, another wrapped about his waist. Magnus watched quietly, wishing he had the energy to call out to Toki and pull him into bed when he came close, but he didn’t, and soon enough his eyes drifted shut again.

Just on the cusp of sinking into another dream, Toki pressed a kiss to his temple. “ _Maaagnus_ …”

Magnus groaned, brow furrowing. “ _Mm_...hey, Toki…”

“Times to be wokeds up. I gots us room service breakfast.”

He heaved another groan, longer this time. His stomach still ached from getting sick on the plane, and the thought of food was even more unappetizing than usual. “M’too tired to eat, buddy. Gimme another hour...”

“I can’ts,” Toki said gently, “or the food’s gonna gets real cold.” And he kissed him again, this time on the tip of his nose. Magnus scrunched up his face and cracked open his good eye to glare at him.

“But we’re on vacation.”

“And this ams our first mornings here together. Don’t you wants to spends it with me?” Toki leaned over him, smiling. “ _I_ wants to spends it with _you_ …” Warm fingers traced delicately along his stubble and twisted in his beard to coax his chin up for a kiss. Despite the headache that hadn’t left, Magnus couldn’t help the rush of need that flooded through him. Fuck, Toki always knew just how to get him going. It was almost pathetic how easily it worked.

Toki broke the kiss, looking smug, and Magnus moaned for the loss of him. His heart hammered in his chest. His body throbbed. No way he was getting back to sleep any time soon. Toki had won. 

“You’re evil.”

“Yeps!”

After some further persuasive kisses and playful arm-tugging, Magnus allowed Toki to drag him out of bed. He stood there, shivering in his boxer briefs and rubbing at his eyes. Toki drew back the blackout curtains as if ripping off a bandaid, and Magnus winced away from the window. “Jesus! Okay, yeah, it’s morning. I get it.”

Toki laughed and brought him one of the plush spa robes from the bathroom. “Here. You looks cold.” 

“I _am_ cold.” Magnus fed his arms into the puffy sleeves. “Did you fuck around with the A/C last night or something?”

“Nopes.” Toki giggled and closed the front of the robe for him, tying it snug. “Oh, you looks so cute. Likes a grumpy marshmelon.” And he tugged Magnus’ hips forward and kissed him with fingers hooked in the belt.

Magnus inhaled through his nose and let his breath go as the kiss ended. Acclimating himself to early work mornings had been, and still was, an uphill battle. At least waking up early with Toki included a little light activity to get the blood flowing. Too bad every morning couldn’t start this way...

The smell of bacon and syrup from the room service trolley was nearly overwhelming to his half-asleep senses. Toki wheeled it out onto the lanai that looked out on the beach and started setting up plates at the patio seating.

Magnus eased onto the rattan sofa and poured himself a glass of orange juice. He didn’t much care for the stuff if he couldn’t put vodka in it, and he wasn’t drinking alcohol anymore. Judging by the lack of coffee, it seemed Toki had remembered he also wasn’t supposed to have caffeine, either. Just great. He nursed the glass as he eyed the food in front of him, and Toki finally plopped down beside him to eagerly dig in. There were pastries, fresh fruit, eggs, bacon, pancakes, a small pot of oatmeal. Toki had been on a real oatmeal kick lately, and Magnus watched him pile on berries and granola chunks. How could he eat so much so soon after waking up?

After a few massive bites, Toki peered at him from the bowl and spoke with his mouth full. “You gonna eats somesthing?”

Admittedly, Magnus had been hoping to stick to his juice and cross his fingers for Toki not to notice. “I will, just—” He lifted his cup. “—wanna drink this first.”

As he sipped and listened to Toki make his cute little eating noises, palm trees rustled overhead and let in flickering slivers of morning sun. Magnus looked up, squinting, breathing slowly and taking in the peace of the moment, letting it drive out the last remnants of his dream. Toki had raved for days about Hawaii, going on and on about aquariums and snorkeling and parasailing and luaus, but never once had he mentioned the wet crash of waves on the sand or the way the sun shone across the sea. The far-away birdsong. The suggestion of flowers on the breeze. 

So many things he might have missed if things had gone differently, if one person hadn’t decided he was worth keeping around.

He peered at Toki from the corner of his good eye, his heart gripped with sudden affection.

Eventually the oatmeal was all gone and Toki moved onto his overstuffed omelet. He polished off half before motioning to the rest of the food with his fork. “Magnus, really, you gots to eat. Shouldn’t takes your medicines without food.”

That wasn’t necessarily true. He'd done it tons of times. But Magnus rolled his shoulders and set the cup down with an agreeable, “Yes, nurse.” What could he stand to eat, though? That was the question. 

Under Toki’s hawklike eye, he managed to force down a pancake and some strips of bacon. Toki speared a generous wedge of pineapple and passed it over, and Magnus ate that as well in the interest of not getting nagged. Even though Toki was the one with diabetes who needed to watch how he ate, somehow it was Magnus’ eating habits always under a microscope. Apparently decades spent living off microwave dinners and greasy takeout hadn’t exactly left him with the healthiest attitudes about food. Who would’ve fucking thought.

He had a few more pieces of fruit to make Toki happy. As he finished the orange juice, his headache settled into the background as nothing worse than a dull discomfort. Toki rubbed his hands together excitedly. “Okay, now takes your pills, hops in the shower, gets dressed, and then we can go!”

“What’s the plan for today again?” Magnus asked, drawing the robe closer against the chill of the morning air. He thought Hawaii was supposed to be hot.

Toki’s eyes lit up, not seeming to mind in the least that he was repeating himself for probably the fourth or fifth time. “We’s doins a big hike! That’s at ten, and we gets lunch, too. And then in the afternoons we can go swimmins in the ocean and then go somesplace nice for dinner.”

Magnus could feel his bones protesting already, but he nodded. “Sounds good to me.” 

If it were entirely up to him, the two of them would be crawling back into bed for a bit of lazy fun and not getting up again until it was time to check out of the suite. His concept of vacationing seemed very different from Toki’s, but he supposed that was fine. The important thing was they were there together. _Alone_ together. None of the usual crap like his job or the band or thousands of miles to get between them. And if a busy itinerary was Toki’s idea of a good time, then so be it. 

Now that he’d eaten as much as he could tolerate, Magnus went and searched in his carry-on bag and found the silly plastic box that separated his medications into days of the week. Toki had been so excited to show it to him—a translucent purple container he’d covered in stickers of guitars and music notes and, for some reason, jellyfish. Magnus popped open the yellow guitar day, Sunday, and dumped the three pills into his palm—a blood thinner, a beta blocker for his blood pressure, and something to keep his cholesterol in check. All because of his shitty, cobbled-together heart. 

Well, he figured this was better than the alternative. Most of the time, anyway. 

He took a fast shower and got himself dressed for the day in a few of the items Toki had purchased for him. Toki wore a pair of charcoal denim cut-offs and a floral-print tank, both of which showed off the god-like perfection of his figure. Magnus, on the other hand, studied himself in the mirror and decided he looked like a J. Crew catalog. 

“I’m not so sure about this, bud,” he said, pulling at the gray linen button-up he’d tucked into pale chino shorts. The last thing he wanted to be was ungrateful, but this style felt way off base.

“You don’ts likes the clothes?” Toki asked, coming up behind him to peer over his shoulder at their reflection. He wrapped his arms around Magnus’ middle. “But you ams so handsome.”

“I look like I’m gonna go golfing with Nathan’s dad,” Magnus said, and Toki busted up laughing, squeezing him tighter. “What? I’m serious, man!”

Still giggling, Toki untucked the shirt and took hold of the sleeves, rolling them up to his elbows. “Here, try wearins it like this.” And he took a thick black band from his pocket and combed fingers through Magnus’ hair, gathering it up.

“Woah, hey—”

“Holds on.” Toki worked his graying locks into a loose bun and tied it, played with a few stray curls, then hugged him close and smiled into the mirror. “Wo _wee_. Looks at _you_ , Mr. Hammersmith.”

Magnus blushed and bristled, feeling naked as hell. “I dunno, Toki. I like having something on my neck.” 

“How abouts this, then?” Toki said coyly, and he pressed warm lips to the nape of his neck and hummed against his skin. Magnus squirmed, leaning back into him with a pleasant, ticklish shudder as Toki continued to giggle. “There it ams!”

“...huh?”

“The first Magnus smile ofs the day.” Toki nestled his face into the shirt. “Tooks longer than usual. Was beginnins to think you ams in a bad mood.”

“Oh, uh. No, not really, just—”

“Bad dreams agains?”

“Ah. Yeah.” 

A pang of tension tightened in the usual place between Magnus’ shoulder blades. He hated talking about his dreams. Seemed wrong for the memories to bother him so severely when Toki had been the one truly hurt, had been the innocent party. Everything that came to Magnus at the hands of the assassin, and by his own as well, he’d deserved. He rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes and took a deep breath. Fuck, it was still much too easy to slide into that hole. They were on vacation. He wasn’t going to think about that shit. “It’s okay. I’m fine. What, uh—what shoes should I wear to this thing?”

Toki stood there with him for a moment longer, then kissed his jaw and went to the suitcase again to dig around. He handed him a pair of hiking sandals. “The guy at the store was tellins me these ams good for walkins around a lot.”

Oh, sandals. Just what Magnus needed to complete the ensemble. He sat at the foot of the bed and put them on, glaring at his toes disdainfully. Why did sandals exist? Who wanted to see other people’s feet? He didn’t even want to see his own. And what would’ve been so bad about bringing his boots? Toki had been adamant about them leaving their typical wardrobe at home and dressing for the weather. And yes, it _was_ quite nice to see Toki in something so different, but still Magnus couldn’t help feeling awkward himself.

Stepping up to the mirror again, he undid the buttons of the shirt halfway down his chest. That looked a little more like him, he decided. The vertical scar along his sternum peeked through his chest hair and he rubbed at it gingerly. It had been just about a year since everything happened, and he wasn’t in pain so much anymore, but every once a while— 

Toki approached and drew his hand away, interrupting his thoughts. “We ams gonna be late if we don’ts leaves now.”

“Then let’s go.” Magnus gave him another smile and pulled him in for a kiss.

* * *

The hike, Toki failed to mention, was a group couple’s hike comprised of at least thirty other couples. Most of them straight. Most of them old. All of them done up like obnoxious tourists. Everyone had to wear nametag stickers in the interest of conversation, and Magnus wrote his name small enough to hopefully deter anyone from addressing him. Toki, not wanting to be recognized, wore a ridiculous white bucket hat and wrote _Lars_ on the nametag with Magnus’ help. No way on earth was he letting Toki pull another Rock-A-Rooni Fantasy Camp alias out of his ass.

Two women about Magnus’ age in matching Hawaiian shirts and fanny packs took to “Lars” right away on the bus ride out to the trail, and the four of them quickly became hiking buddies. It wasn’t as aggravating as Magnus anticipated, actually. Nice enough gals, and they tended to talk to Toki more, which suited him fine.

Toki snapped an endless amount of pictures, enchanted by every flower and each bird in the trees. He draped an arm over Magnus as they walked and pushed their faces together. “Says cheeeese!” he sang, and Magnus worked his mouth into the little tilt he’d learned to make for Toki’s unavoidable photos. He’d had his picture taken more times over the last year than he had in all his previous fifty-one combined, though thankfully Toki knew better than to post them to social media. 

They still weren’t “out” with their relationship quite yet, not even to Dethklok. For months Toki had been working himself up to tell them, to finally admit his biweekly trips to Phoenix were to be with Magnus and not just to check up on the goings-on of the Home for Wayward Musicians. The band knew the two of them were on friendly terms now, they just hadn’t figured out _how_ friendly those terms were exactly. Magnus dreaded the eventuality of it. They were all rather protective of Toki, Nathan especially, and he had a hunch another black eye was in his future once the news broke.

Magnus couldn’t remember the lie Toki had fed the band about his reasons for flying to Hawaii. Opening a restaurant maybe? Learning to train dolphins? He supposed it didn’t matter.

“Oh, Magnus!” Toki squealed, pointing up into the canopy and derailing Magnus’ train of thought. “Looks up there!”

Following the line of Toki’s enthusiastic index finger, Magnus caught movement in the trees like dancing leaves, except they weren’t leaves at all—they were parrots. Bright green parrots with red beaks, a whole flock of them, maybe three dozen flitting between the branches overhead.

The two women in matching shirts, Donna and Mary, stood side by side with hands held, marveling at the parrots and cooing to each other. Several other hikers had stopped to watch the parrots as well, taking photos while one of the trail guides excitedly explained about this particular breed and how it wasn’t native to the islands and had instead been brought over by who honestly _gave_ a shit. Magnus tuned it all out. He stared at the swaying tree limbs above them, his mind drifting away again.

Nathan could hit him all he wanted, he figured. Just as long as none of them treated Toki any differently. Magnus couldn’t deal if Toki came to him crying about getting left out, or worse, _kicked_ out. Dethklok wouldn’t do that, would they? Boot Toki from the band just for being with him? That felt too cruel, even for them.

But if it ever came down to Magnus or Dethklok...well, the answer was obvious, wasn’t it? What was he compared to worldwide fame, adoration, and more money than anyone could ever spend? No contest.

“Hey,” Toki said, taking him by the elbow, “comes on, everyone’s leavins us behind.”

“Hm? Oh, right.” 

They caught up to the rear of the group just as Donna and Mary regaled a few other couples with the story of how they met. Magnus could not possibly fathom a more riveting tale, and gladly let their voices drop into the background as he plodded along at Toki’s side. What was the point of a hike again? His feet hurt. He had to take a piss. He was sweating from the humidity, but he was thankful now that Toki had tied his hair up for him.

“So, Lars,” Donna said, and Magnus’ attention shifted back uneasily. “Tell us how you two met each other.”

“Oh, yes!” Mary clapped her hands, a full charm bracelet on her wrist whipping around wildly. “We need to hear this. Y’all have a good story, I can tell.”

“Well, uh.” Toki started. He cast a look at Magnus in a silent _can I tell it?_ and Magnus tried to shake his head as subtly as humanly possible, but Toki didn’t seem to notice. “We mets at a rock camp about a year ands a halfs ago.”

Mary almost screamed and turned to Donna with a red lipstick smile. “I _told_ you they were musicians!”

Toki laughed. “We’s both guitarists, yeps! Magnus was my camps counskillors.” 

“Wait,” said Donna, “don’t those kinds of camps usually get rock stars to be their counselors? My brother went to a camp like that a few years back and got to play with one of the guys from Snakes ‘n Barrels. I forget which one. Obviously not the Dethklok one. He had a hat.”

“Oh, are you _famous?_ ” Mary gasped, eyes bugging at Magnus.

Magnus wished he could be anywhere else. The conversation was meandering dangerously close to personal shit he didn’t want to talk to strangers about. He shut it down. “No, I’m not. Sorry.”

Mary and Donna visibly deflated. Toki’s eyes glittered mischievously in his direction, obviously tickled that his disguise was working. Magnus, meanwhile, had never needed a disguise to prevent people from recognizing him. It seemed no one knew who he was anyway.

“Okay, so y’all both met at this camp,” Mary continued. “Was it love at first sight? Did y’all play songs for each other?” 

A weight pushed down on Magnus and he felt his face go slack from the pull of it. No, he didn’t like this conversation at all.

“I bet it was so romantic,” Donna added with a sigh.

Toki started to giggle. “It was nothings like—”

“Yup, that’s what happened,” Magnus said, louder over him, forcing an aggressive cheer into his voice as he slung an arm over Toki’s shoulders. “You nailed it, ladies. Together ever since! Ain’t that just the cutest shit you ever heard?”

After some awkward laughter and agreement, the conversation shifted onto another couple nearby, and Magnus allowed himself to end the performance. Toki glared at him and slipped out from under his arm. “Whats was that?” he asked in a low hiss.

Magnus grumbled. “Our business isn’t their business.”

“Wasn’ts gonna tells them everything. You thinks I’m stupid?” Toki’s expression softened slightly. “Ams just talkins, Magnus. Sharins with people. You can’ts makes friends by not sharins.”

“Who said I wanted friends?” Magnus said, which was the wrong thing to say judging by the way Toki pouted beside him for the next mile.

The trail opened at the top of a hill to reveal a lush view of the landscape below and a steep, winding path that led down towards the sea. As someone who had spent most of his miserable life in Phoenix, Magnus couldn’t get over all the _green_. It looked like a postcard photo. Toki pulled out his phone again and snapped a few pictures, and after giving him a minute, Magnus casually leaned in.

“Cheese,” he said carefully, hoping the gesture would serve as an apology of sorts.

Toki looked at him, eyebrows lifted, then smiled and got them both in frame. 

When the group began to come down the hill path all together, one of the trail guides called out for them to be careful on the incline. Magnus kept a rigid, steadying hand on Toki’s arm as they descended, not eager to fall on his face in full view of everyone. He watched where he put his feet, avoided muddy spots and loose tree roots that threatened to snag him, and they made it to the bottom in one piece. He let out a long breath of relief, going a little weak in the knees. 

Toki gave his hand a pat. “You surviveds.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Magnus huffed. “How much longer till we stop again? I’m wearing the fuck out.”

“You’s doins so good. Probably nots longs now and then we cans eat.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m actually kinda h— _hgh!_ ” 

Something struck him hard between the shoulder blades. He staggered forward, blood rushing from his head in one great slow-motion gush of fear, and when he looked up he saw— _the glint of that silver mask under flickering fluorescent lights_ —one of the other trail guides wearing a huge toothy grin. “Was I too rough there? Sorry ‘bout that, brother! Just meant to say good job and keep it up!” The man jogged ahead and gave the next hiker a raucous slap on the back, too.

Magnus thought he might faint. His back throbbed in agony as if the old wound had opened, and he felt dizzy and sick. Where did Toki go? Fuck, his heart wasn’t slowing down. And it _hurt_. He clutched his chest, clawing at the scar, clawing at the sharpened steel shoved through his sternum from behind. He couldn’t breathe around the metal in his ribs. Couldn’t think around the pain. 

He needed Toki. Where was he? Did he lose him? The violent drive of his heartbeat roared in his head like crashing waves, dragging him away somewhere he didn’t want to go. Toki—oh shit, where was—

“Magnus?” The voice was hushed, intimate. It cut through everything else. “Magnus, looks at me. Looks at Toki.”

He blinked, and he saw wide blue eyes in front of him like a vision of a calm sea. 

“Hey, hey. There you ams. Shh.” Toki cupped his face in sturdy hands. “You’s safe. Toki gots you.”

“Toki,” Magnus repeated between strangled breaths. 

“Yeps, that’s right.” 

The humid air was choking him. “ _Toki_ —” 

“Shh. Just havins a panics attack, but ams gonna be okay. Just sits here withs Toki for a while.”

He was seated on a rock beside the path. They were still on the hike, and he could still feel the sting from the slap on his spine. Not much time had passed. A few people milled about in a semi-circle and stared down at him as if he were some fascinating bit of local flora, just another curious trail find.

“Is he all right?”

“Did he fall?”

“I have a first aid kit.”

Toki motioned for them to step back and go on their way. “Just needs some air. Please. He’s okay.”

Some of the other couples walked by them on the trail, eyeing the two and whispering to each other when they were out of earshot. Donna and Mary observed with worried eyes. Magnus swallowed down his mortification and fought the urge to vomit.

“Just breathe,” Toki told him. “Follows what Toki does.”

Magnus tried to deepen his breathing to match Toki’s pace, and eventually his senses began to return to him. A panic attack. God _damn_ it. For months he’d managed to avoid them. He’d been doing better with this shit. He just wanted it behind him, and all it took was a pat on the back from some fucking asshole to undo what little progress he’d managed to make.

“Here,” Toki said, taking a bottle of water from his crossbody bag. “You needs to drink somesthing.”

Magnus drank a few slow sips as Toki smeared cold sweat from his brow and brushed away some loose curls that had escaped his bun. 

“Feelins any better?” Toki asked, still so quiet. 

With an automatic nod, Magnus handed the water back. His arms tingled as if he’d been lying on them funny, and he couldn’t even feel the tips of his fingers. It was like he’d been shredded at the molecular level and forced back together like a meat patty. 

“We should goes back to the hotels. I’ll gets one of the helpers to takes us—”

Magnus grabbed hold of the tank top to prevent Toki from getting up. “No, don’t.”

“But—”

“Are we okay here?” asked a peppy guide in a yellow polo bringing up the rear. She looked them over and unclipped a walkie-talkie from her belt. “I can radio for some help. Is he hurt?”

“I’m fine,” Magnus snapped, lifting himself from the rock.

Toki thankfully didn’t contradict him, just stood and put a supportive arm around his waist to keep him from swaying on his feet. The trail guide, figuring that if he was upright he was probably okay, dropped the subject and let them rejoin the hike.

“Magnus, ams you sure?”

He didn’t have the energy to walk and keep talking, so he chose to walk.

Half a mile or so later, the trail widened into a scenic campground that overlooked the coastline. The sun shone high over the clear water and Magnus was sure the view was stunning, but all he wanted to do was rest. Toki parked him at one of the picnic tables and went to fetch him a prepackaged lunch, and once he was left alone, he laid his head on his arms and wished he’d never let Toki get him out of bed. His eyes sunk shut, the hot noon sun beating down on his bare neck as he shivered. 

Someone knocked on the table. He bolted up with a jump of his heart. “Just us!” said Donna, the taller of the two women. “Is it all right if we eat with you boys?”

He nodded, blood thudding in his veins, and he stayed quiet until Toki returned with their lunches.

Everyone ate and talked and laughed and passed around their phones to share photos, but Magnus spent the time staring distastefully at his sandwich and breathing through the vague, anxious nausea that wouldn’t leave him alone. He scraped off the lettuce and tomato and most of the meat, unsure if the pale flesh was turkey or chicken and finding the ambiguity unsettling. After three small bites he gave up on the sandwich entirely and turned to the chips and fruit, though he barely touched them either. 

“Picky eater, eh?” said Donna. When Magnus decided to be polite and humor her with a flinching grin, she giggled. “Would’ve thought it’d be the other way around with you two. Young people are so particular about their food nowadays.”

Sudden embarrassed heat prickled around his eyes and he stared at his torn-up food. A sharp, defensive _fuck you_ jabbed at the back of his tongue, but he still had enough decent sense left not to say it. Why couldn’t people just shut their goddamn mouths about what he ate or didn’t eat? And what the hell did their ages have to do with anything? So _what_ if Magnus was older? He didn’t need this shit.

Sensing his unease, Toki dove in to rescue him once again. “Actuallies, I _do_ haves to be kinda carefuls about what I eat,” he said cheerily, and he lifted his tank top just enough to show off the small nylon travel kit he kept at his waist. “Ams diabetic, see?”

Mary put hands to her plump cheeks. “Oh, bless your heart!”

The focus shifted to Toki for the rest of lunch, with Donna and Mary inundating him with health food tips and exercise regimens, as if he needed them. Toki smiled and seemed to take it all in stride. Magnus gazed out at the view of the ocean and breathed in the thick salt air, wallowing in guilt. The shit Toki put up with for his sake...

When everyone started to gather for the second half of the hike, Magnus reached for his hand and squeezed it like a lifeline. 

“You doins all right?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Magnus.”

“Really. I’m good.”

Toki squeezed him back and kissed his cheek before walking him over to rejoin the group.

Despite the pleasant, leisurely pace of the after-lunch hike, by the time they all looped back to the start of the trail, Magnus was limping and wheezing from the exertion. His spine ached down into his hips and knees, and his feet were killing him. Toki, of course, walked with a spring in his step and glistened as if he’d just gone for a light jog. Even Donna and Mary looked no worse for wear.

The bus ride back into town was an excruciating exercise in patience. Magnus wanted nothing more than to put his head down on Toki’s shoulder and nap, but Toki was leaned across the aisle with his phone, showing his photos of the second half of the hike to Mary. Curling up against the window, jilted, Magnus closed his eyes and tried to sleep anyway. The tour bus was an old piece of shit, though, and jerked and lurched at every bump in the road. After the third time smacking his head into the glass, he gave up and pulled out his own phone, needing something to occupy his mind. 

He hadn’t taken a single photo that morning. In fact he’d had the phone for about a year and barely had any photos on it at all. No selfies. Not even one of them together. There was a single picture of Toki taken shortly after they’d decided to try being together—just Toki sitting outside on his rickety balcony holding a beer. Wasn’t smiling. Wasn’t even looking at the camera. Magnus remembered taking it. He’d wanted a photo of Toki on his phone but had been too nervous to ask. Looking at it now, he felt stupid about the whole thing.

Felt stupid about everything.

He put the phone away and sat there, pissed at himself and taking it out on his cuticles.

The bus reached the parking lot and Magnus followed the crowd out. Donna and Mary said their goodbyes, taking turns to give Toki a motherly hug. Neither of them tried to touch Magnus, which he appreciated. Toki promised both of the women he would text them and waved as they parted for their respective rental cars.

Getting the door open, Magnus collapsed into the driver’s seat and tore the tie from his curls. His muscles twinged and his back hurt, and he was pretty sure he’d sweated off the sunscreen in his earlier panic.

“So, uh...where’d you wanna go swimming?” he asked. He hadn’t said much of anything since lunch and his voice sounded strange to his ears, like he was talking too fast. “Pretty sure I can take any road around here and end up at a beach, unless you wanted to do it closer to the hotel.”

Toki stared at him as if he’d just broken into showtunes. “Swimmins?”

“Yeah, isn’t that—I thought you wanted to do that after the hike.”

“I don’ts thinks that’s a very good idea. You’s exhausted. We should goes back to the hotel and just takes it easy for a while.”

Dread pooled cold in Magnus’ stomach. He’d ruined the hike and now he was going to ruin this. A day into their vacation and Toki probably regretted planning it already. And there were six more days to look forward to. Six more days of Toki growing more and more resentful of him, of Toki realizing maybe he’d made a mistake. Magnus couldn’t let that happen. 

“No, no, we can still do it. I’ll be okay.”

“Magnus, looks at you. Ams you evens okay to drive?”

Magnus stared at his fingers gripping the steering wheel. Stared at the white, bloodless skin stretched over his knuckles. Stared at his clammy, jittery arms. “Y-Yeah. Just...gimme a minute. Put the radio on. I’ll be okay. Really.”

He _had_ to be okay. He _had_ to.

“Ams you sure? Because you really don’ts look—”

“For fuck’s sake, Toki, I said gimme a minute! Put the fucking radio on!”

There was a beat of gut-clenching silence, and then Toki obeyed without another word. The tail end of a commercial break ended, and the bright, tinny guitar intro to “Dream On” began to play. Magnus sat for a moment with what he’d done, wanting to puke. Or scream. Maybe both. Maybe neither. Getting out of the car and walking into traffic sounded pretty good, too.

“Toki, I...” 

“Ams all right.”

“No, it’s not,” he said, battling to keep the emotion in his voice restrained despite his shaking. “You’re just trying to help.”

Toki pried one of Magnus’ stiff hands from the wheel to hold in his lap, thumbing gingerly at his sore fingers as Steven Tyler warbled through the first verse of the song. _The past is gone..._

“You gots to stop this scratchins, Magnus. You gonna makes youself bleed.”

“Toki.”

The hesitation in Toki’s eyes as he looked up was fucking heartbreaking. “Mm?”

“I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry.”

Toki’s gaze dropped again, but he smiled a little and clutched his hand closer. “Thanks.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


The drive to the hotel was quiet, the unfamiliar radio station crackling classic rock through the speakers. Toki hummed along and piped up on occasion to point out the sea through gaps in the palm trees lining the road. Magnus frowned to himself and tapped at the wheel. He wished he had it in him to pull the car over, scoop Toki up, and run down to the beach. To be impulsive and energetic and _fun_ like that. But Toki was right about the state of him. Toki was usually right when it came to his health, mental and otherwise. Magnus needed to keep that in mind the next time he felt like losing his temper and making an ass of himself.

Toki unzipped his bag and pulled out a small orange he’d saved from lunch. Magnus watched, amused, as he rolled down the window and flicked pieces of peel out as they drove. When they reached a red light, Toki wiggled one of the slices free and reached over to poke him in the mouth with it. Magnus pressed his lips together. 

“You barely ates anythings at lunch. Just one.”

“ _Hrrhm_.”

“Please, Magnus? Pretty please? For Toki?”

Damnit, he couldn’t resist that pouty voice. He opened his mouth just enough for Toki to pop the orange slice in with a finger, and he chomped it up fast to get it over with. 

“Blegh.”

“Can’ts be that bad,” Toki teased, getting him another slice. “One more.”

“You said just one!”

But Toki was already shoving the orange in his direction. The light turned green again and Toki gasped and giggled. “Oh, takes it! You gots to drive!”

Magnus hissed a quick fuckword under his breath and let Toki feed it to him as he hit the gas and sped through the intersection. He chewed, screwing up his face in disgust. Gulping it all down almost made him gag. “Ugh. C’mon. No more of that shit, I mean it.”

“Oh. Okay.” Toki ate the next slice himself and turned his head to look out his window at the passing palms.

Fuck. _Fuck_. They weren’t going to go swimming because of his stupid bullshit, and he couldn’t even suck it up and let Toki have a bit of harmless fun for one minute without wrecking it. What was wrong with him today? Why couldn’t he just chill out and stop being such a dick?

His foot pressed harder on the gas in the hopes of outrunning his thoughts.

They reached the hotel and drove around to the wing of VIP suites where a valet attendant stood waiting dutifully. Magnus struggled up from the car and passed off the keys before hobbling over to Toki. He couldn’t wait to take off his damn sandals and sprawl out on the sofa.

In the privacy of the elevator, he slumped into Toki’s waiting arms and breathed him in. Fruity conditioner from the hotel. Lingering traces of sunscreen. The trail sweat he could nearly taste on the back of his tongue. It put an ache in him. 

“Almost there,” Toki said gently. “Thens you can rest.”

Magnus swallowed. Bitter self-pity welled up like bile and he hated it. “I’m sorry I’m like this.”

“Hey, don’ts,” Toki said, rubbing his back but avoiding the scar. “Just wants to spends time with you. Doesn’t matters to me whats we do, okay?”

Magnus said nothing.

“Magnus. Okay?”

“...okay.”

At the suite, they left their sandals by the front door, but before Magnus could make a move towards the sofa, Toki slipped hands into the unbuttoned front of his shirt and kissed him. He fell back into the wall, curling weary fingers into the flowery fabric at Toki’s waist. It wouldn’t be long until his legs gave out. He was so fucking tired. 

Toki kissed him again beneath his bottom lip where the gray streak in his beard began. “Hows about we takes a bath? The tub ams big enoughs for two.” And even though all Magnus wanted to do was turn his brain off and sleep until he felt better, he couldn’t bring himself to decline the offer. And Toki _had_ wanted to swim. Maybe a bath was a nice compromise.

The tub took up an entire corner of their spacious bathroom. Four people could’ve sat in there comfortably. Once Toki tested the temperature and filled it, they undressed and eased into it together, reclining and letting the water lap over their shoulders. Magnus’ sunburn stung a bit, but a moment later it faded and the heat seeped into his screaming joints and eased the tightness in his ribs. He let his head drop to the edge of the tub as his eyes sunk shut. 

“Ohh, fuck.” 

Toki brought a hand up from the water to play with his gray hairs, wetting them back from his temples. “Feels good, huh?”

Magnus just nodded, relief throbbing through him. If he’d been alone, he might’ve wept. Why didn’t he take baths at home? Though he was probably too tall for the tub at his apartment.

“You wants the bubbles?” Toki asked, and he nodded again. He heard the water shift as Toki left his side, then came the click of a knob, and a deep drone vibrated through the tub. Magnus startled as the jets burst to life, one catching him in the small of his back, another between his shoulder blades exactly where he needed it. He pushed backwards against them with an involuntary shudder.

“Fucking... _Jesus_ , man.”

Toki laughed and tucked in beside him to kiss on his neck. “You looks relaxed.”

Magnus was currently melting into the steaming water. “Mm-hmm.”

The two of them rested there in meditative silence, letting the jacuzzi do its thing to soothe away the events of the morning hike. Magnus was beginning to wonder how safe a nap might be when Toki nuzzled closer and started to twirl fingers through his chest hair.

“I loves this…”

“ _Mm_...me too. This was a good idea.”

“When we lives together, we gots to gets a bathtub just likes this one.”

Confused, Magnus opened his eyes to see Toki’s earnest little smile. “Live together?” They’d never talked about anything like that before.

Thus far, he’d been content to take things at a glacial pace, grateful for every day they had together. Toki’s presence in his life was a gift and not a guarantee. He knew that. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about their future. Didn’t want to break his own heart any more than it already was. Gifts could be taken back, after all.

But Toki just kept smiling in that sweet way of his. “Just thinkins out loud,” he said. “But that’s what people do eventuallies when they ams in relationchips, right? Just imagines it! Wakins up every day ins the same bed. Kissins and huggins whenever we wants. No more plane rides all the times. A place mades just for us.”

A place made just for them. A real home where they lived and thrived. He could picture Toki sitting there on the bed. Their bed. Fresh from the shower, happiness bright in his face, drying his hair. A silver ring catching in the lamplight— 

Magnus stopped himself in a hurry. He wasn’t about to start going down that road. What the _fuck_. He couldn’t even ask Toki to pose for a photo on his phone.

“That’s, uh. A real nice thought,” he said, and left it at that, cross with himself for conjuring up such a wonderful, horrible, unattainable thing.

Toki’s smile faltered. “Don’t you _wants_ to lives together someday?”

“Of course.” Magnus cupped his cheek, wetting one side of his mustache with a brush of his thumb. “Of course I do, but...”

“But?”

He couldn’t look Toki in the eye. His thoughts were too shameful. 

“Hey.” Toki sighed and wrapped himself around him, entwining their legs beneath the churning water. “I loves you. Talks to Toki.”

Magnus’ jaw tightened. Toki always said the right things. Did the right things. Was kind and patient when he didn’t have to be. When he _shouldn’t_ be. So Magnus didn’t understand why things between them sometimes felt so tenuous, like their relationship could crumble apart at the slightest tremor. He knew Toki loved him. The evidence was all there, clear as day. And yet, more often than he liked to admit, his doubts were clearer.

He took a nervous breath. “Drop it. Please. It’s nothing.” 

Toki looked unconvinced, his blue eyes full of affection and concern. Concern Magnus didn’t deserve. “Well, if you says so. But just remembers that I loves you. Loves you more thans anything in the whole entire worlds. More thans kitty cats.” He kissed him gently. “More thans pizza.” Another kiss. “More thans beins famous.” And another.

Magnus laughed a small, dry laugh against Toki’s lips, though the low rumble of the bubbles almost drowned it out. Hadn’t he been thinking about this earlier? What Toki’s choice would be if it were between himself and staying with the band? 

“It’s fine, bud. Really. You don’t have to bullshit like that for me.”

“Ams not bullshit!” Toki cried, his cheeks going pink in telltale frustration. “Ams beins honest, Magnus. Fames ams fleeting. Doesn’t matters. But I loves you and that won’ts change, promise.”

Toki didn’t give him a chance to reply, just kissed him, which was just as well. Throat strained, heart aching, Magnus kissed him back, taking hold of him and not letting go. It was selfish to want this love, he knew. It was selfish to keep Toki attached to him, to not set him free. He’d held the poor man prisoner once, and he’d somehow found a way to do it all over again.

He kept waiting for Toki to figure it out. Kept waiting for him to realize he was Toki Wartooth of Dethklok and didn’t need to stay chained to the wretched old albatross that was Magnus Hammersmith. It hadn’t happened yet, but it was only a matter of time. Toki could speak sweet nothings until he was blue in the face, but Magnus had the unfortunate benefit of wisdom wrought from age. 

And he knew relationships like theirs, no matter how much love was involved, were ultimately doomed. He _knew_.

His doubts surfaced fast to scream at him, his perilous mood spiraling. He grabbed onto Toki like debris in a storm in a desperate attempt to keep his head above water. He just wanted to be _happy_ , god damn it. Just for five fucking minutes. They were on vacation and all he’d done so far was be miserable and drag Toki down with him.

They kissed with building hunger, the bath aiding the movement of their bodies against each other. Toki’s arousal slid along Magnus’ stomach as he forced his hips forward and moaned into the kiss. 

“I can stops—” 

“Don’t,” Magnus said. He wanted it. He _needed_ it, that physical connection. That reassurance that, at least in this moment, Toki wasn’t going anywhere. His heart pounded nearly to the point of pain, and when Toki finally teased his fingers around him he went lightheaded.

A second later, the bath stilled and was quiet. Toki’s eyes widened and his hand paused. “Oh, the timer runs out. We should stops. You can’ts be in the hot waters for too long.”

“What? Why?” Magnus tried to catch his breath, coughing softly.

Toki tapped the scar on his chest. His heart.

“...oh.” 

Dark disappointment started to set in as he anticipated the loss of contact. Of course this wouldn’t go right either. Why would it. He was too broken, too old. Too fucking useless. Why did Toki bother. He felt that awful lump rise in his throat, felt the sob that accompanied it. He wasn’t going to do this. Not in front of Toki. He wasn’t— 

Toki kissed along his salt and pepper stubble and spoke low in his ear. “Let’s moves to the bed, okay? Ams nicer there anyways.”

Magnus couldn’t respond without losing it, so he just curled arms over those reliable shoulders and pulled him close. Toki helped him from the tub and carefully took him to bed. They soaked the sheets in bathwater and kissed and touched, and when he was made ready, Magnus took Toki into himself like a drug. An injection straight to his core, warm and mollifying. He focused on the pressure, on the friction between them, on Toki’s searing mouth and soothing words.

“Ams always gonna be here. Ams always gonna takes care of you.”

Magnus was so close already in spite of his exhaustion. He’d been wanting this all day. “Say it. God, _please_ say it.”

Toki put lips flush against his right ear as short nails dug into his hip bones. 

“You belongs to _me_ , Magnus. You ams _mine_.”

“Oh, fuck— _Toki_ —”

Their rhythm reached a point of no return, when Magnus had no choice but to hold on and give himself over to Toki’s strength. His head dropped back into the pillows and he came hard with a gasp and a cry, with Toki buried deep in him and muffling a whine into the curls at the crook of his neck. For a few minutes after, they lay in each other’s arms and trembled, sharing sloppy, satisfied kisses that still sizzled with lingering electricity. 

Magnus pressed their foreheads together and drew his knees in to keep Toki from pulling out and spoiling the afterglow. These were his favorite moments, floating in the wake of orgasm, his doubts and fears losing form. All that mattered was the two of them. Everything else blurred into the background, unimportant. 

He sighed contentedly. “Thank you.”

Toki beamed down at him, as beautiful as the sun starting to set in the windows. “What fors?”

“For...loving me...for whatever reason you do,” Magnus said. His eyes went hot and he blinked to stop what he knew was coming. “Sorry, I—there’s still days when it’s just...hard. Y’know.”

“Likes today,” Toki said, shifting to cradle his jaw in a broad hand. “Haven’ts hads a day this bad in a whiles.”

“Yeah, uh.” Magnus swiped a knuckle at the corner of his good eye. “Yeah.”

“You wants to talks about it now?” 

“It’s, uh—” He let the rest of his breath go in one rough exhale, hearing the wheeze in it. “It’s just...everything. Stress, I guess. Jet lag fucking with me or whatever.” Magnus tried to shrug it off with a bit of a grin, but Toki had no amusement in his eyes, only worry.

“Ams you...wantins to go home?” 

“No,” Magnus said quickly, which was mostly the truth. No way was he robbing Toki of this trip. The poor man had planned and shopped and fretted for a month leading up to their flight, and Magnus had overdrawn his vacation days at work. They weren’t giving up on the whole thing just because he had a bad day. “Look, I’ll be fine in the morning. Promise.”

Toki smudged a tear from under Magnus’ eye before it could spill down the side of his cheek. “And if you _amn’ts_ fine, you gots to tells me, okay? No hidins it.”

“Okay.”

“Pinkie swears to me.”

“All right.” Magnus looped their little fingers together when Toki offered his. “Pinkie swear.”

“Good.” That sunny face lit up even further. “I loves you, Magnus. And that doesn’ts change, even if you ams havins a real bad day, or if you feels sad, or scared. Ams gonna love you always.”

Magnus still didn’t know how that was possible, but he did at least know one thing. “I love you, too, Toki.”

Toki kissed him a few more times and finally pulled out. He stayed knelt there, petting the dark hairs along the insides of Magnus’ thighs, which always broke him out in goosebumps. “You feel like gettins cleaneds up and findins a place for dinner? The hotel’s gots a nice one.”

Magnus shivered at the touch, sinking into the damp pillows with a ragged cough to clear his throat. Room service sounded much better to him, curling up in bed in their robes with a couple burgers, but Toki seemed keen on going out. And besides, he supposed they hadn’t flown all the way to Hawaii just to stay in the room the whole time. A restaurant wouldn’t kill him, even if he did already feel partway there.

“I’m good to go. But, uh...you might have to help me up.”

And Toki did just that.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“A hundred and ninety-five dollars for a ribeye. Jesus _Christ_.” Magnus barked out a cough of surprise and put the menu down to take a long drink of ice water. “This shit’s giving me heart palpitations, Toki. Just a _salad_ is thirty-eight bucks. What’re they putting in there? What the fuck is kale?”

Toki was cracking up, flopping back in his chair. “I tolds you, the price doesn’ts matter! You thinks I cares about how expenskive a steak ams?”

“No, I don’t, and that’s the problem,” Magnus said. “One of us should. Just because you’re richer than god doesn’t mean you should just spend your money on whatever.”

Calming down and making a big show of wiping tears from his eyes, Toki snickered and reached for the basket of rolls. “Amn’ts spendins it on _whatever_ . Ams spendins it on _you_.”

Magnus grumbled, heat crawling up his neck as he tried to disappear behind his menu. He’d been pointedly trying _not_ to think about the price tag of this vacation. Between the first-class flight and the hotel suite easily five times the size of his employee apartment, the bill must’ve been astronomical already, and this was only day one. Toki had made it clear even before booking the flight that he would be paying for everything and not to worry, but Magnus was accustomed to paying when Toki visited, and Toki would buy him gifts like that nice record cabinet they spent an afternoon putting together, so it felt like things evened out financially between them more or less. This, though. No way in hell would Magnus be able to pay back his half of this. 

Not unless he started writing music again, which was a whole can of shit he didn’t feel like opening.

“I know you wants the steak, Magnus.” 

“I mean, I do, but—” 

“Then just gets it,” Toki said, laughing again, the candlelight shimmering in his eyes. “What good ams havins money if I can’ts spends it on peoples whats I love?”

Magnus was still warm when he lowered the menu. “If you’re sure it’s all right.”

The waiter arrived to take their order—the Wagyu bone-in ribeye for Magnus and pan-seared scallops for Toki, whatever the hell a scallop was. With an effortless grace, the waiter topped off their ice waters and in a smooth voice asked, “Have you had a chance to look over the drink menu? Is there anything you would like?”

Toki pointed to the menu excitedly. “This pretty ones!”

“One pineapple lemon drop.” The waiter looked to Magnus. “And for you, sir?”

“I’ll stick with water.”

“Of course.”

When the waiter left, Toki reached across the table to give Magnus’ hand a pat. “Ams proud of you.”

Magnus said nothing, knowing his sobriety wasn’t so much in the interest of self-betterment as it was an effort to avoid the way alcohol mixed with his medications. 

The doctors told him not to drink once he left the hospital, but Magnus never could help his stubborn streak and continued as if nothing much had changed, not caring about the dizziness or his sluggish pulse. It helped him sleep and kept the dreams away during those first few months when living was fucking unbearable but unconsciousness proved worse. 

There had been one night early on in their relationship, however, when he’d overdone it and woken up in a heap on the kitchen floor, bruised from where he’d smacked his cheekbone hard on the counter when he collapsed. In that moment it hadn’t been death on his mind. Death would’ve been fine. Instead he’d thought of Toki’s texts and calls going unanswered, of Toki finding him there on the floor.

Magnus told him later he’d fallen out of bed. And he didn’t drink after that.

The waiter returned shortly with Toki’s lemon drop. Elaborate twists of lemon rind and a pineapple star garnished the glass, and yellow hibiscus blossoms finished it off with a distinctly tropical look. Giggling, Toki held his ridiculous drink across the table. “Skål!”

“Cheers.”

Magnus nursed his water and stared out at the waves just beyond the private dining patio. Aside from the candle flickering between them, the near-full moon was the only light to be seen, and it danced and glittered across the dark water and the wet sand. The breeze picked up in his hair, the back still damp from their post-sex shower. Magnus raked fingers through it absently and watched the sea.

It felt like a dream, being here. A dream he didn’t want to wake from. He thought back to Toki’s gentle voice in the bath. _“When we lives together…”_

Could it really be possible? To have Toki with him just like this...for the rest of his life?

He dared to imagine the ring again, unsure why he was doing this to himself now of all times.

“Beautiful,” Toki said.

Magnus hummed in agreement, his gaze following the ebb and swell of the moonlit tide. “It is, yeah.” When there came no other reply, he turned to see adoring eyes focused squarely on him. 

“I means _you_ , silly.”

His heart swooned against his ribs and he tried his best to lean back and disappear into his curls. “God damnit, Toki…”

Toki just laughed at him and sipped his lemon drop, clearly proud of himself. 

Before Magnus could complain further, he drew his arm up just in time to smother a sudden sneeze into the back of his wrist. Then another. He stayed hunched like that, waiting for the dull pain in his sternum to fade, then he sniffed, lifted his head, and saw the owlish look on Toki’s face.

“Ams you okay?”

“Yeah,” Magnus said, dazed. 

“Whats was that for?”

“Nothing, I don’t think.” And then a slight shiver prickled up his spine and he tucked his arms in closer to his chest. The thin cashmere sweater did little to keep him warm, though it was awfully soft. He much preferred this outfit over the one earlier. Black was definitely his color.

“You cold?” Toki seemed surprised, then he smiled fondly, the flickering flame illuminating his barely-there dimples. With some cute grunts of effort, he scooched his chair around the table so he could drape an arm over Magnus’ shoulders. “There we ams, nice and cozy. I likes this better.”

Magnus did, too. He took another drink and tried to rein in his racing heart, but it was impossible given his current company. The candlelight caressed every curve of Toki’s face, every rich brown strand of his hair. Even his mustache in the tender glow framed his mouth like a little masterpiece, and Magnus was helpless against the urge to appreciate it up close. He kissed him just enough to taste the lemon on his lips, Toki sighing as they parted.

They rested their heads together, fingers laced, listening to the rolling surf and the wind through the palms.

It was perfect.

Absolutely perfect...

“Magnus,” Toki whispered.

He flinched, opening his eyes. They’d been closed? “Hm? What?”

“You’s sleepins.” Toki said, combing through his hair. “You must be one tireds guy.”

“M’fine,” he said, then turned to yawn into his sleeve. Another cough snuck up on him, too, and he wheezed until he drank enough water to soothe his throat. Was it too cold out? Was there smoke coming from somewhere? He didn’t smell anything, but then again the sneezing had left him a bit congested.

Toki pressed his hand to Magnus’ brow. “You don’ts gots a fever.”

“I’m not sick,” Magnus insisted. “I said I’m fine.”

Toki pet him gently, which did nothing to help keep him awake, but he didn’t mind it at all. “Poor Magnus. Maybe we shoulds’ve stayed at the room.”

Magnus settled in against him and let his long legs stretch out under the table. “No, I’m glad we did this.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” And he meant it. 

Plucking one of the yellow hibiscus blossoms from his glass, Toki sucked lemon drop from it and tucked it neatly behind Magnus’ ear. Magnus almost shook his head to be rid of it, but Toki seemed so pleased he couldn’t bring himself to spoil the moment.

Thankfully the food arrived before he could nod off again. He squinted at the rounded chunks of golden-white flesh on Toki’s plate, already knowing he wanted nothing to do with them. The waiter set down the steak, however, and Magnus stared in awe at his nearly two hundred dollar slab of meat. He cut into it hesitantly, Toki’s curious eyes on him, and the knife slid through as if slicing a pad of butter. Seared to perfection on the outside, deep red on the inside. Medium rare. Just as he’d asked.

He put the bite in his mouth, but there was almost no need to chew. The marbled beef practically melted on his tongue, tasting of browned butter and garlic and other seasonings he had no names for. He hadn’t even swallowed yet when he felt a familiar emotion rising, that overwhelming surge of elation and relief that usually only took him over as he lay panting beneath Toki.

“Oh, god,” Magnus moaned. 

“Magnus?”

“Fuck,” he said, choking up. “It’s so good.”

An enormous smile bloomed on Toki’s face. “It ams?”

All Magnus could do was stifle a sob and cut himself another piece. He didn’t know food could do this to someone. He ate reverently, savoring each bite with a weakened sigh, and before too long he’d stuffed down the whole steak and the baked potato, too. 

He rested a hand on his stomach and exhaled nice and slow. Shame he wasn’t allowed cigarettes anymore because he craved one something fierce, even if the night air was making his throat sore. “I’m full,” he said, a bit astounded at the whole thing. “I forgot what this feels like.”

“Worths every penny, then,” Toki said, and he kissed him.

They skipped dessert and walked back to the suite together, taking the less direct route so they could hold hands without too many other hotel patrons spotting them since Toki wasn’t disguising himself. The outdoor path led over a wide koi pond, and for a moment Toki leaned over the water with his phone’s flashlight, marveling at the calico horde of fish splashing around beneath him. 

“They think you’re gonna feed them,” Magnus pointed out. Toki gasped and dove into his pocket, producing one of the rolls from dinner. “ _Really?_ ” He had to laugh. Most every time they went out somewhere with bread on the table, Toki walked out with some in his pants, and Magnus usually never noticed until he found him later trying to make friends with a bird.

“Yeps! Holds my phone.”

Magnus took the phone, keeping the light on the pond so Toki could tear the roll into crumbles. The fish thrashed for the bread, tails and mouths popping up out of the water in a frenzy. Toki laughed and kept the pieces raining down, and Magnus stopped watching the fish to watch him instead, to watch that childlike joy that, in spite of everything, still seemed to come so effortlessly. What was that like?

The phone vibrated in his hand just once, and Magnus caught the flash of a text notification. 

From Skwisgaar.

His chest tightened.

He ignored it, but a few seconds later, another text popped up. The notification had words this time, reading simply “let me no if u like” followed by a winky face.

“Skwisgaar’s texting you,” Magnus said, not meaning to sound so curt. The tightness in his chest only grew worse as Toki’s eyes brightened at the news. 

“Oh, wowee!” Toki brushed the crumbs from his hands and took his phone back, face lit by the screen, the fish forgotten. “He ams writins a solo for me to play. Looks like he finisheds!”

Before Magnus could ask about that, the peal of an electric guitar shot through the phone’s speaker so loud it crackled. It shouldn’t have bothered him so much, but the music made his skin crawl. As loathe as he was to admit it, Skwisgaar had a near-impossible level of skill. Fastest guitarist alive and he still managed to make each note a thing of beauty as opposed to the rushed, wanking nonsense of a lot of other guitarists who prided themselves on their speed.

Toki held the phone so close it nearly smashed his nose in, grinning from ear to ear. “Amazings!” he shouted over the recorded solo, bouncing on the balls of his feet to the rhythm. “Oh shits, you hears that part? So cool!”

“No, it’s—”

“Lemme goes back and—”

“It’s fine, I don’t—”

The music skipped backward and played again and Magnus thought he might scream. He turned away and started to take the path towards the suites, needing to escape to keep himself from saying something he knew he’d regret. It was fine that Toki was excited about hearing from Skwisgaar. Great, in fact. Right? And shouldn’t he be happy that Toki was getting a solo? 

“Magnus, wait!” Toki jogged to catch up to him. “Don’ts leaves without Toki. What’s wrong?”

“I’m cold,” Magnus said. Which was true. Cold and tired and pained and shitty.

“Oh, then let’s goes and warms you up.” Toki smiled at him and rubbed slow circles into the small of his back as they continued to walk.

Magnus took a deep breath, upset with himself for overreacting. He didn’t even entirely understand it, and he still felt caught in a vice. For the rest of the walk he endured the fluorescent glare of the screen in his peripheral vision, and he minded his tongue as Toki seemed lost in his own world, enthralled by his texts back and forth with Skwisgaar. 

In the elevator, Toki’s thumbs still tapped across the screen. Magnus hit the button for their floor and scowled. How did he end up a third wheel on his own vacation with his own boyfriend? And what did Skwisgaar even have to say that was so important? 

“Hey, Toki, y’think maybe you could—”

The phone started to ring with that screeching guitar riff of a ringtone. “Oh!” Toki cried, answering it with an equally joyous, “Hi, Skwisgaar! Ams you sick of textins?” He laughed, and Magnus heard an indistinct voice come through the receiver, low and stilted. And although he couldn’t make out his words, just knowing that voice belonged to Skwisgaar simmered his blood.

They left the elevator and Magnus dug in his wallet for the suite’s keycard. He got inside, took off his shoes and picked the flower out of his hair like a weed, throwing it on the floor. Toki followed after, still chattering excitedly, and moved across the living room out onto the lanai, leaving Magnus inside all by himself. He watched Toki lean forward on the railing, watched him shift his weight from side to side and play with his hair. Something about Skwisgaar always made Toki act like a teenager with a crush. And though Toki had long-ago assured him he didn’t like Skwisgaar _that way,_ it was still infuriating to witness.

When Toki let loose a loud belly laugh and screamed that fucking Swede’s name like a song, Magnus decided he’d tolerated enough. Storming through the open lanai doors, he snatched Toki greedily from behind and pulled him close by his middle.

“ _Ah!_ ” Toki squeaked, then giggled into the phone. “No, no, ams listenins.” He glared over his shoulder, a playful grin trying not to form on his lips.

Magnus brushed aside long brown hair and kissed hungrily at the revealed neck. Toki kept his composure rather well, but was no match for the soft bite that followed, the teasing graze of teeth as Magnus let his desperate possessiveness take over. With his arms around him, he could feel Toki’s breathing pick up speed, and he bit him again. Not hard enough to leave a mark, but hopefully hard enough to make a point. Skwisgaar’s voice still came through the phone, rambling on about who the fuck cared what, but Toki ground his ass back into the front of Magnus’ pants like a challenge.

If he’d been a younger, more reckless man, he would’ve taken Toki right there against the railing and to hell with whatever Skwisgaar heard. But even though his blood raced and jealousy spiked in him like a fever, he still had the presence of mind not to give himself away. Toki was supposed to be training dolphins after all, or whatever he told them.

“I-I cans practice it whens ams homes again,” Toki said, addressing the phone, his voice catching ever so slightly. “Yeps, havins—havins a real nice times so far.” He swallowed audibly and Magnus sensed success closing in.

Snaking fingers under Toki’s shirt and across tense abdominals, Magnus kissed at his neck again and rocked forward against him, leaving no doubt as to his intentions. He stifled a moan into his skin, and Toki giggled and stuttered in his reply.

“H-Hey, Skwisgaar? Somesthins ams comins up, can—cans I calls you back?”

Magnus heard the drone of Skwisgaar’s voice and slithered a hand into the waistband of Toki’s pants to palm at him. Yes, something was definitely coming up.

“ _Ahh_ —yeah, s-sounds goods. Talks to you soons, pal. Yeps, bye.” Toki hung up and immediately gripped Magnus firm at the wrist, yanking him out of his pants. He turned around so they faced each other, his expression puffed up with exaggerated irritation. “Magnus! We was havins a consversations!”

“Oh really? Hadn’t noticed.”

Toki grabbed him by the collar of his sweater, twisting his fist in it and yanking him close. A fluttery excitement built in Magnus’ stomach as those pale eyes narrowed. 

“You’s beins such a jerk.”

“Yeah,” Magnus said encouragingly. His voice was husky, his head reeling. “Yeah, I am. What’re we gonna do about that?”

“You ams gonna makes it up to me,” Toki told him matter-of-factly. 

“And how am I gonna do that?”

“You’s smart. You figures it out.” Toki curled his fist harder, tightening the sweater’s collar around Magnus’ throat and drawing out a groan. He knew exactly what Toki had in mind. They were both after the same thing.

Magnus claimed victory, shoving him back into the railing with a needy smash of lips. It didn’t take long for Toki to arch into him and fling arms around his neck, and then they were tumbling through the doors again, into the living room, running into side tables and door frames on their way to the bedroom. 

Toki fell backwards onto the mattress, his hair spilling over the pillows, and Magnus fumbled with the little buttons keeping that exquisite physique under wraps. His good eye was beginning to blur. Damn, he’d been awake too long. At last, he parted the shirt and kissed and bit at exposed skin, mouthing at the budding nipples. Toki squirmed beneath him and mewed a small “yeah”, which just about did him in right then and there. Fingers raked through his hair, scratching at his scalp, and Magnus shivered, but at the same time it felt so relaxing. He had to make this happen fast before fatigue won out.

He kissed at the other nipple and earned a whine and a rough tug of his hair at the root, an unspoken _keeps doins that_. Toki was still soft and supple from bathing, and god, if Magnus had a heart attack and died with his face smashed in that perfect chest, well, he figured that would probably be just dandy.

A sneeze came out of nowhere again, giving him just enough warning to turn his head towards the blankets. Two more followed quickly, stabbing through his ribs and ripping away what meager amount of energy he’d managed to regain from dinner. He pressed his cheek to Toki’s chest and lay there between his bent knees, sniffling and fighting through straining coughs as he tried to regain his breath. Not a good look.

“I _knew_ you ams gettins sick.”

The sturdy speed of that young heartbeat drummed through his skull, and even though he very much wished to continue, to deliver on what he’d started, Magnus allowed his eyes to close in a sudden swell of exhaustion. He just needed to rest for a moment and then he’d be okay to keep going.

“Magnus?”

Just a moment...

“ _Maaaagnus?_ ”


End file.
